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View Full Version : Original Fiction: Day at the Stadium



Luzifer
04-19-2007, 05:23 PM
The crowd had been cheering for sometime, great battle calls that lofted to the rafters, tearing voices from lungs which alone would never have been heard in the great stadium. They drew from each other sweet sovereignty and devoured all that gave them pause in their minds, loosing themselves to passion and to some greater being which fed on their lost individuality. The sparks flew from the center of the stadium, the bonefire glowed and flared with fell life as that sweet sulfurous sapien smell etched its way into the noses of the jubliant men and women but they were to drugged by the ecstasy of their new found power to smell it. All they saw were blackening faces dripping like wax scultures made out of medicine and arcane textbook fluid oil. Great gouts of smoke billowed up, marring the heavens for miles around, though one would not notice with the heavy, anvil-black thunder clouds looming overhead. Suddenly with a crack of lightning the rain broke. Soot-stained water fell down from the sky and blacked the faces of the crowd with obsidian flesh dust now suspended in tears. Umbrellas went up and the fire went down but the crowd cheered and cheered with primordial urgings.

Capernicus
04-19-2007, 06:12 PM
...hardly a fiction at all. That is one paragraph, and I was under the impression that fictions were AT LEAST a page. >.>

The language to me seems needlessly abstract, like you were looking through a thesaurus and decided to play with big words.

Luzifer
04-19-2007, 06:18 PM
Its meant to be short... its based on microfiction and uses the abstract wording to imply rather then tell the story. There is a story and I could have made it long and tedious but I'd much rather cut to the heart of it with a single descriptive paragraph then drone on needlessly. Honestly, though, this is a strange fusion of poetry and prose and i didn't quite know how to classify it so I think calling it a fiction is misrepresenting it but i didn't know what else to call it.

And I wasn't trying to play with big words, that just how i write. Its based a bit off the beatnik movement of the nineteen fifties. And I think that trying to put up a "minimum length" for a story is arbitrary and some what foolhardy. I just was trying to have a more interesting and densely packed story where the reader has to figure out what is going on rather then being told what is happening. Its part of my personal style to only hint at what is happening and make the reader dig for it. Because i found it is stories that make me dig for the meaning that give me the most joy.

Ichiro Matsuchani
05-12-2007, 01:07 PM
I just was trying to have a more interesting and densely packed story where the reader has to figure out what is going on rather then being told what is happening. Its part of my personal style to only hint at what is happening and make the reader dig for it. Because i found it is stories that make me dig for the meaning that give me the most joy.And that's why no one will read it. I'll have to agree with Caper about the thesaurus, since I got stuck on a few words in there. Heck, some of those phrases didn't even seem to make any sense.

Luzifer
05-12-2007, 03:16 PM
And that's why no one will read it. I'll have to agree with Caper about the thesaurus, since I got stuck on a few words in there. Heck, some of those phrases didn't even seem to make any sense.

Which phrases? Can you give some examples? I'd like to be able to see what might have been confusing and whether its something I want to change.

And I'm getting tired of people saying i use a thesaurus! hehe... though I'll admit I use words in strange contexts... but that is completely intentional and is meant to go along with the abstract poetic style of what i was trying to do