View Full Version : Original Fiction: Quest For the Perfect Console. Chap 1.

12-01-2005, 09:22 PM
It was a normal day as Everday Gamer walked into the games store. He had his Onimusha sword controller and a lightgun at his waist, both modified to be wireless. b00ya. A few memory cards and a couple of cheat sheets completed his inventory. Along with his PSP.

He walked into the store. Crappy game, crappy game, really crappy game, and then he saw IT. The Super Mega Absolutely Perfect Console. Drawn by it's perfectness, he shuffled toward it. Then, from absolutely no where at all, a bunch of Microsoft hitmen and Sony/ Nintendo ninjas burst in, brandishing controllers.

"You attempt Perfect Console, Mr. Gamer. That we cannot allow." Said one of the ninjas.

"Yes and now you must die." Finished a hitman. One of the ninjas charged, his PS controllers connected to two port on his suit.

Gamer whipped out his Onimusha controller. Plastic met plastic with a suprisingly metallic sound as Gamer countered the ninjas attacks. If you haven't guessed it by now, they're fighting with controllers. That is really original, right?

One quick combo move later, and two ninjas and a hitman were down for the count. However, many more remain. Then another ninja dropped down from somewhere in the celing. He reached down into his belt and pulled out two Revolution controllers. Gamer was not impressed.

The Revolution ninja whipped the controllers like nunchucks, no doubt skrewing the game he might have been playing. That is if I got good info on how the Revolution controller works. Then two more ninjas did the same thing. They attacked. Two fell before Gamer's lightgun(HOLY CRAP THAT THING ACTUALLY KILLS PPL? HOLY CRAP!)

He dodged the remaining ninjas whiplike swings with about half of his bullet time. Nunchuck met katana as the two battled in bullet time.

"So like, this is taking forever. Want some popcorn?" One hitman said to the other.

"Extra butter?"

"Extra MOVIE butter and cheese salt"


Unfortuneatly Gamer killed the ninja about that time, so no one got popcorn. However, you can't keep Microsoft down. Unfortuneatly again, the Sony ninjas had a trick up their collective sleeves.

"Fool. Tremble before our RPG launcher." It was real too. It fired both Xbox and PS RPGs. Betcha didn't see that one coming.

They quickly loaded FFX, FFX2, RPG Maker 3, and Dragonquest VIII. Gamer Once agian proved he had matery of bullet time, but all the explosions were lame and generic.

"I don't understand. Are our games really that bad?" ninja lamented.

"Yes. Try these!" hitman yelled as he threw four RPGs at the ninja. The ninja looked at them. Knights of the Old Republic, Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind, Fable, and Jade Empire. Several hitman surronded Gamer. A flurry of combos and lightgun blasts later, the ninja fired KOTOR. It hit a hitman and made a HUGE explosion, knocking Gamer back into a stand of DS games.

"Holy crap they got good RPGs in there!" Gamer exclaimed, stating the obvious.

"Fool. Now you die!" the ninja yelled.

Gamer grabbed some unidentifiable item from his pack as he leapt with all the hight and speed bullet time can grant. He threw the item at the RPG launcher in midair. The object? A memory card loaded with a cheat file. It hit Jade Empire just as it left the barrel, destroying the ninja.

A white object slammed into the back of Gamer's head. He turned, and saw a hitman with not a Xbox controller, but an Xbox 360 controller! dun, Dun DUNN!

Author's Notes:
Inspiration: I was reading this tread about Revolution controllers, and someone said it would be cool playing with nunchucks. So that's the inspiration for the fighting with controllers. The rest is gaming steyotypes. And yes, that is how I feel about PS RPGs.

12-03-2005, 06:08 PM
Hahaha, what the hell. This is the best story EVER!

12-03-2005, 06:56 PM
Thank you, Ai.

12-03-2005, 07:17 PM
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I have nothing else to say.

01-02-2007, 05:26 PM
that was the most creative story i have ever read